I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
