oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I miss vodka workout Fridays
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
where are you?
Hypothermia
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
