I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
