I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Watching her eat just hurts me
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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