youre lurking in front of me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Found your dick twin last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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