I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
