Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize