Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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