If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
