Me. At least after what I've been through.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
