if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
