just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
