this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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