yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
