Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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