I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
two words: eviction party
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
