Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
