I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
