when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize