you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
