Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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