apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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