I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
