what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
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I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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