We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
