I am in a vortex of obligation.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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