ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
