she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His nipple licking is glorious
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