I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
