Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
