It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
