apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize