Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
