Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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