so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just had sex bonerless
you would pick up someone in the library
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
