I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
