no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
