dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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