she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
