3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
