Just fell off a train. Bad.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
