I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
