Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Say something about gay babies.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
