I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
