On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
