i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
