you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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