would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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