So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
