I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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