At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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