i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
