I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
