So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
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This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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