the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
