he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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