i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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