she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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