There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You can't motorboat a personality
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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