sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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