May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
